Military Friends

I normally wouldn't repost something I received in my email box but it just sort of struck home and since I had a couple seconds to cut and paste - I thought I would.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...we screwed up...but man that was fun!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you behind.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have shared a few experiences...

MILITARY FRIENDS: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no Civilian could ever dream of...

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste...that's alcohol abuse!!" Then carry you home safely and put you to bed...

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out for using your name in vain.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will forward this.

And: BELIEVE EVERY BIT OF IT !!!!!!!!

This was great so to all serving or who have served.... Thanks for being a Military Friend. No offense against those that have not - there's some good qualities here about you too. Keep on keepin on.

A Kabul Christmas

Greetings all and please let me take this opportunity to wish everyone that tunes in to read my drivel a very joyous holiday season and my wishes for a prosperous 2007.

Having served in so many places around the world at this time of year I've learned to adapt to the different ways the world celebrates Christmas with still being able to maintain my sense of holiday spirit. This year will be the hardest.

My first long distance duty station away from home was on a small base in Japan. The Japanese, although not exactly Christian, are infatuated with every commercial aspect the holiday season has to offer and it was very hard not to notice the lights and Christmas Trees in every store window. Japanese people exchange cakes with their friends at Christmas and even though the tradition was very different to what I'd grown up with, it still felt like a festive time of year. I celebrated four Christmases in Japan and came home to New York for one during my nearly six years there.

Next was Panama. Panama is a Catholic country and with that comes most of the same traditional aspects of Christmas that one would find in the United States. Nativity scenes mid-night mass, “feliz navidad” being wished to every passer-by. Even a couple Santas dressed to the “T” and ringing their bell for donations. The only difference in Panama besides the language was the weather. Never does it fall below 85 during the day or 70 at night which made "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas" just that - a very far fetched dream. I celebrated two Christmases in Panama and even though the weather was HOT, it was great to be able to go swimming in the ocean on Christmas Day. My boss had property right on the coast and I still have photos taken with the date stamp 12/25/94 stamped in the corner.

After Panama I came back to the states for training and spent Christmas 1995 in the beautiful state of New York. Nothing says Christmas like the freshly plowed roads of Mohawk and frozen Fulmer Creek. Not to mention lights on all the houses and the big Christmas Tree in front of the Fire Station.

I moved to Germany not too long after that and my first Christmas there was incredible. No one does Christmas like the Germans. The Christmas Markets are a great way to really get into the season and nothing warms you up like a warm mug of Gluh Wein with a dollop of Amaretto. Each town has its own unique market and people come from all over the country to experience the better ones. Bonn, the town where I lived, had a great market and was crowded right up until they closed a couple days before Christmas. My second Christmas in Germany was not spent in Germany since I'd met my soon-to-be wife that spring and we decided to get married in Thailand just before Christmas. She traveled in late November and I arrived on the 9th of December - just in time to get over my jet lag and say "I do" on the 13th. We spent the following 11 days leading up to Christmas on the Thai Island of Samui and returned to Bangkok on Christmas Eve. Like Panama, Thailand is very tropical so there was no way we were going to have a traditional “white” Christmas but with the foreign influence in Thailand and spending the holiday with my new family - it was probably one of the best I've had.

Back to Germany we went for one more Christmas (so we thought) and all the wonderful traditions Germany has to offer. We left Germany in the summer and moved back to the states where we celebrated Christmas in our little apartment in Alexandria, Virginia. I was on a plane the day after Christmas en route to the lovely winter village of Ft. Rucker, Alabama. That could be a story all by itself but I won't tell it here.

The next year we had an even more special Christmas since over the summer we'd moved to Seoul, Korea and in November welcomed the arrival of our daughter. We insisted on no visitors so that we could have her all to ourselves over Christmas and that's exactly what we had. Her first Christmas was in Korea and even though I'm sure she doesn't remember much - it was pretty fantastic. The following Christmas I was lucky enough to manage to go to Berlin for work and took the family along since my father-in-law was posted there and we'd planned on having my daughter Christened in the Anglican Church in Berlin just after Christmas. Back to the Christmas Markets and the Gluh Wein with of course a hearty dollop of Amaretto. What a great time and Berlin offers probably one of the best Christmas Markets in all of Germany. Berlin itself is incredible but the Christmas Markets in this rebuilt capital are absolutely amazing. The Christening went well too and I think we actually had snow at one point because I remember dragging the kids around the back yard in plastic sleds.

Another Christmas in Seoul and then it was on to London. We never spent Christmas in London though since the first year there we went back to Berlin - I just can't pass up the Gluh Wein. My younger brother managed to come over from the states and enjoy the Royal hospitality of my in-laws and a good time was had by all. The next year was Christmas in Yorkshire visiting relatives which was a great experience except walking around the cold wintry streets looking for a pub that wasn't having a "private party" and could provide a coolie to warm my heart.

Last year was Christmas in Maryland and even though we didn't have the snow, or even the temps really - it was the first Christmas in a home that I actually owned. I spent hours buying lights and then more hours putting them up around the outside of the house. We couldn't be outdone by the old retired guy across the street. I was very proud of our home and it was a great Christmas.

Which brings me to this year. Kabul - the land of Muslim destitution. The Embassy has really gone out of their way to spruce the place up and make it look Christmassy in an American kind of way. We've got not one but 3 Christmas Trees in the lobby. These were sent down from the Embassy in Dushanbe as a return favor for the Thanksgiving Turkeys. (Way to go Chief H.) But despite the attempts of many - it just will not be a Christmas to remember here in Kabul. There's snow on the mountains all around the city and the last of the snowmen are melting on the compound (we had a good 8 inches fall not too long ago). Christmas is about one thing to me - good times with great family. I'm sure I'll probably be able to find the good time - pass him a coolie, he'll be fine - but the rest just isn't here.

To the whole gang celebrating in Maryland - wish I was there but fret naught - I will be back before you know it and we'll have our own Christmas who cares what the calendar says.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all and be kind to each other - especially at this time of year. Keep on Keepin on. - OUT.

The Empire State meets The Pit

As I mentioned when I introduced you to “The Pit” – I find it very nostalgic hanging around the fire on a Thursday night since this was truly the way we celebrated the end of the week in the little town where I grew up in New York.

Let me give a bit of background for just a moment so that you know where I’m coming from. I was born in Southern Virginia where my father was sationed with the military. When my dad retired from the Navy we moved to a small town in Upstate New York which is about 10 miles east of the city of Utica where he was born. I spent the rest of Junior High and all of High School there and joined the military shortly after graduation. I still today claim NY as my home since my ability to talk like I’m from Southern Virginia left my speech in 9th grade when I was always asked what part of South Carolina I was from.

Traveling in the military for the better part of the last 20 years I’ve had the opportunity to meet lots of people from all over the United States. Foreigners don’t really count in this discussion since I’ve had to explain to so many that New York is in fact more than just the "Big Apple" and there is an entire state that bears the same name. The citizens of the USA that I’ve met in my travels have been from all over the country and in a place like Afghanistan – you always start conversations with “Where you from back home?”.

When someone asks me where I’m from my responses normally go in this order –
Me: Upstate NY.
New Person: Oh really where?
Me: About dead center between Syracuse and Albany.

Now this is where I get one of several responses –
"Damn, that is Upstate NY”
"I've driven on the NY State Thruway"
"You must be used to snow"
“That’s not NY that’s Canada”
“I’ve never been there”
"Do you like hockey?"
“Really, Whereabouts? My family used to go camping in the Finger Lakes”
"What part?"

If I get the latter then I know I’ve met someone that has a clue about the great state of New York. Not too many have ever heard of Mohawk although I recently met someone from West Canada (here in Afghanistan) which was of course as good a "home boy story" as you can get.

That's the little background so now I’ll get back to the main purpose of this post.

I’ve been working with the State Department as sort of a Soldier Diplomat for the last 12 years. Each branch of the military has its own language which normally revolves around acronyms. The State Dept. is no different and they also have their own language and even a few acronyms. For example – POTUS means Visit by the President of the United States, FLOTUS – First Lady of the United States, CODEL – Visit by a Congressional Delegation and lastly GOVDEL – A visit by a Delegation of Governors.

Having been in this business for sometime now I’ve been lucky enough to be the Military Rep to a ton of these visits. I’ve shaken the hands of 2 Presidents, 2 Vice Presidents, had breakfast with William Cohen when he was the Secretary of Defense, have photos with Colin Powell and Madeline Albright from their time as Secretary of State and even ran a control room across the hall from where Monica Lewinsky spent the night in Bonn, Germany when she was working for Cohen (she was a Defense Intern before getting the “bump” to glory at the White House).

This Thursday was a bit different though since U.S. Embassy Kabul was playing host to a GOVDEL including the Governors from Oregon, Idaho, New Jersey and of course my home state of New York. One of the Embassy social coordinators had arranged for the Governors to meet Embassy staff members from their respective states around “The Pit” at about 9:00 PM. The hope was to get the Governors in a more social setting and to be able to enjoy a coolie with those they represent. Governor Pataki arrived right on schedule and since it was extremely cold that evening it kept most of the Big Apple New Yorkers indoors. WIMPS. I greeted the Governor with a warm Kabul handshake and welcomed him to our pit. I offered him a coolie and he gladly accepted a Heineken, even though the Corona was much better.

The Governor asked me where I was from, in which I replied with a diversion from my norm since I expected this man to know - I said I was from Herkimer County and the booming metropolis of Mohawk. He smiled and said “this weather must seem mild to you”. That meant he at least had an inkling as to where Herkimer County was, even if he didn’t recognize the town name. Or maybe he equated the town to the river of the same name which would at least put him in the same ballpark (north of Cooperstown). He asked me what I did and how long I’d been in Kabul. I had originally planned on wearing my uniform but knew I’d be much warmer in something else. I told him I was in the Army and had been in Kabul for exactly 42 days. Our small talk continued and we both commented that it would have been better to be drinking a Saranac as opposed to the import on offer but hey – only a true New Yorker would appreciate that. I wanted to tell him about the Genny or Matt’s Beer Balls by the fires of my youth but I don’t know if he’d have quite “gotten it”. He owns a home opposite West Point on the Hudson River so his concept of New York and mine are just a little different.

The Governor did not stay long and claimed to be still suffering from jet lag. I think it was the combination of Kabul’s altitude, the warmth being emitted from the fire, the cold stinky air around us and the conversation with a mortal like me that made him a bit homesick. He bid farewell to the true New Yorkers assembled and wished me good luck. I told him to keep the Empire State safe and I’d do my best out here.

I of course did not follow suit and hung around the fire until the last Pit fan left for the evening. I think I even took over running the bar around 11:00 since the volunteer had given up and was nearly frozen when he called it a night. I was departing for Bagram at 6:45 the next morning but was enjoying the camaraderie and fire too much to go home to the warmth of my mink blanket. We ran out of wood around 2:00 AM and I made my way back to my “VIP Quarters” with the cash box and someone’s iPOD mounting station under my arms. Tomorrow was going to come much too early but I wasn’t done yet.

I trust everyone that’s reading this so I’m going to tell you a secret about an idea I have for an invention and this trust will ensure that you don't steal my idea and try to market it as your own.

I once saw a mechanism attached to a car near the steering wheel that required the operator of the vehicle to blow into a tube which read the Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) of the blower. If the BAC was clean then the operator could start the vehicle. If the BAC showed any alcohol whatsoever, then the vehicle was inoperable until such time that a sober person blew into the tube. I thought the idea was brilliant and have come up with a variation that I hope to mass produce in child labor factories all over Southeast Asia (that part’s a joke). Anyway, my invention is based on the very same concept as the vehicle ignition breathalyzer but will be attached to any type of telephone the user desires (cell/home/car). If the person attempting to make calls has consumed an amount of alcohol that renders them less than sober, the phone will lock up and not allow a number to be input or a call completed. You see I have 20 years of “drunk dialing” experience and Thursday night (Friday morning) was no different. The problem is what Afghan Wireless Communications Company charges for drunk homesick calls to the United States makes Verizon Wireless seem like an incredible bargain. Lets just say that the marketing ploy of free weekends and evenings is not really necessary in a country with one Cell Company and limited (Kabul) coverage.

The investment in my new invention will pay for itself after one Thursday around “The Pit”. I'm not sure of a timeline until I reach the production phase since I'm still in the conceptual stages but you have to agree - I'm on to something here.

I'm supposed to be on Field Trip Number 4 in the not too distant future (although at the time of this writing we are having our first blizzard of the year that will make air travel impossible) so tune in soon for that report or some other Kabul subject I choose to write about. Until then....

Keep on Keepin On.